Self-Action Leadership Training for Parents & Families

The Most Important Leadership Positions in the World

Who are the most important leaders in the world today? And what are the most important leadership positions on the planet?  If you are like most people, you are likely to answer this question with titles like: President, Prime Minister, Queen, King, General, Admiral, CEO, etc.

It is true that these titles—and the men and women who hold them—are important because of the power they wield and the influence they extend throughout their respective domains. It is also true that such persons typically receive the most honor, glory, credit (and blame), as well as the most attention and fame (positive or ignominious) for their words, actions, and policies.

The purpose of this article is to argue that such titles—important as they might be, and seem—are NOT the most important leadership positions in the world today, nor have they ever been. Rather, the most important leadership positions in belong to a couple of far more common titles: MOTHER & FATHER.

"No other success can compensate for failure in the home."

~ David O. McKay

President Richard Andrus and his wife, Darlene, 
and me in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, 1999

Fifteen years ago, I was serving as a young missionary in Alberta, Canada. During one of my personal interviews with my Mission President, I was taught the importance of this parental principle of leadership.

During the course of my interview, we were discussing leadership positions and their importance. Knowing full-well that his title carried a vestige of prestige in my Church, my Mission President boldly and without any guile looked me straight in the eye and told me that the most important leadership position I would ever hold would be that of FATHER.

There was something in the way that this great man taught me this principle that left no doubt in my mind concerning his sincerity. This was not just some LDS cultural cliche he was parroting. Rather, he was communicating from the deepest fibers of his innermost soul what he earnestly knew to be true from his own experiences as a leader in both his profession and religion—as well as his experiences as a father himself. And I knew that he was telling me the absolute truth of the matter.

In 1979, Mother Teresa won the Nobel Peace Prize. When asked what individuals could do to promote world peace, she replied: “Go home and take care of your families.” That august sage of the Indian subcontinent understood the great truth that macro problems cannot be solved externally; they must be internally repaired, and OUR nation’s—or any nation's—greatest problems begin at home.

My beautiful Mama
holding me in 1980. 

From a rich ancestry to my own wonderful parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, et cetera, I have always been a wealthy man in family. From conception to manhood, I was perhaps blessed most saliently because I had a remarkable woman for a mother.

When I think about my mother, I sometimes reflect on the words of Abraham Lincoln, who once said: "All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." I don't think anything in this world more obviously approaches the divine than the sweet and precious interactions between a devoted mother and her newborn baby. One leader eloquently put it this way:

"When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?" [1]

I shouldn't speak for others, but as for myself, I firmly believe that my mother's commitment to bear and raise seven children is a far greater and nobler existential achievement than any 7-term Congressman or woman, as impressive as important civic achievements may be in the eyes of many, including myself.

My Family in 1982. I am sitting on my Dad's lap. 

Growing up, I was blessed to be part of a wonderful family who loved me. A healthy portion of their love was personified pedagogically. For example, they taught me right from wrong and supplemented the education I was obtaining at school or elsewhere with moral instruction and leadership. They also spent both quality and quantity time with me, and in so doing, treated their little brother with kindness and respect most of the time. And I love them all dearly for it.

My family is not perfect. Like any other family, we have our issues and shortcomings. For example, my own parents were divorced in 2004—after 37 years of marriage! I admit it is sad to think that my Mom and Dad won't be celebrating their Golden Wedding Anniversary on August 24th of this year.

My parents the day they wed
August 24, 1966 

Their seven children, including me, are also flawed human beings. We try to do our best, but we, like our parents, also fall far short of any definition of perfection.

No, we are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but somehow, someway, my parents and family have been perfect for me, and I am who I am today in large part because of the extraordinarily positive impact they have had on my life. As such, I will always be eternally grateful my Mom and Dad got together back in 1966. After all, I wouldn't be here to write this article in 2016 if they hadn't! While they may not be re-enacting their Hawaiian Honeymoon together this August, I will certainly be celebrating the momentous event that special day was in my own life's story.

More than any other way, my family relations have positively impacted me EDUCATIONALLY. Because my family both LOVED me and TAUGHT me correct principles, it created a healthy scenario for growing up that made it almost impossible for me to fail in life.

Me as a baby surrounded by a loving Father & five
older brothers. How could I not succeed with such support? 

I think it is a general truism that good families beget good citizens who become successful self-action leaders that make the world a better place. There are exceptions of course. When you are dealing with something as volatile as unique human beings in possession of free will, individuals will always exist who choose to poorly exercise their free will to the detriment of themselves and others regardless of the familial love and support they may have had access to growing up.

Nevertheless, in the main, I believe that individuals in our society who fail in life do so largely because they lacked the absolutely essential moral leadership that comes ideally from a loving mother and father during a child's formative, childhood, and adolescent years.

Remarkable individuals will always exist who, lacking a firm foundation in family, find a way to succeed no matter what by proactively seeking out positive leaders and mentors they missed out on in their homes. But the vast majority of us are—and largely will remain—a significant by-product (for good or ill) of the seminal influence of our own parents and family.

Click HERE to read about Dr. Nathaniel J. Williams, a remarkable self-action leader who, despite being orphaned at age 5, transcended his difficult life adversity to become incredibly successful professionally and as a family man and Father of 8.

Because much of my work is autobiographical and autoethnographic in nature, I have gone to great lengths to chronicle my own self-action leadership journey, including the influence of my parents and family on my own educational journey. To read more about how my immediate family influenced my formative education both academically and morally speaking, click HERE and HERE. To read more about how an extended family member influenced my education, click HERE.

My Mom & Dad in front of an
early home where they lived. 

The most compelling teaching method my parents and family used to empower my own education was the moral force of their own EXAMPLES. My mother and father were intelligent, educated, hard-working people who knew how to communicate intelligently. They also knew how to get their hands dirty building things from scratch, cleaning, and completing other, difficult manual labor chores.

My brothers and sisters were also honest and hard working academically, athletically, and in anything else they pursued growing up. As I matured to manhood, I observed these examples all around me, thereby absorbing a steady stream of positive peer pressure to also work hard and make good decisions in my life and career. To this day, I continue to look to my parents and siblings as examples for how to best conduct my own life and career.

With this in mind, how can YOU as a Father or Mother (or future parent), best help your children obtain a good education, especially with regards to their character development, acquisition of life skills, and maturation as a leader? There are many good answers to this question. We at Freedom Focused are certainly not the only resource you can consult as you strive to meet this essential need. Recognizing, however, the incredible value of Self-Action Leadership oriented training that we received growing up—and aware of the success that applied training has brought us in our lives—my colleagues and I seek to reach out to help parents and families in any way we can to empower you with resources to teach your children to empower their success in life.

As such, ONE of the key audiences for which Self-Action Leadership was written is MOTHERS and FATHERS. Knowing there are no more important leadership roles in the entire world than that of Father and Mother, Self-Action Leadership was written in a way that can meet the needs of parents and families. Here's how...

An Educational Resource for Parents

Parents who are serious about teaching SAL Principles to their children can take the following steps to utilize the SAL Book and Master Challenge as a key resource in the character, leadership, and life-skill education of their children.

STEP 1: Read the SAL book yourself to become acquainted with the stories as well as the principles contained in the SAL Theory & Model.

STEP 2: Complete the SAL Master Challenge yourself to earn your medal and diploma. Your personal example will account for much more than anything you say to your children. The flawed mantra of, "Do as I say and not as I do" is pure parental folly.  

Note: If you have already completed life study and homework in the past that is commensurate to the SAL Master Challenge requirements and choose to "transfer your credits" so to say, make sure and share with your children the work you have done and how it helped you to become successful.

Click HERE to read more about the SAL Master Challenge.

STEP 3: Read the SAL book together as a family.

STEP 4: Complete the SAL challenge together as a family.

STEP 5: Work together to ideate and then draft a Family Declaration of Independence & Family Constitution.

Note: A Family Declaration of Independence & Constitution is a familial version of a Self-DoI and Constitution. Click HERE and scroll toward the bottom of article to read more about writing your own Self-Declaration of Independence & Constitution. Click HERE to watch a video of Dr. Jordan Jensen explaining the principle of writing a Self-Declaration of Independence & Constitution.

STEP 6: Periodically read passages, poetry, and stories from the SAL book as a family to derive further insight and inspiration as self-action leaders striving for Existential Growth.

STEP 7: Establish a period of time once-a-week (once-a-month minimum) when you will dedicate several hours to being together. Spend most of this time having fun, visiting sights or doing activities together, and eating treats. Spend a little bit of this time (e.g. one hour out of four in a morning, afternoon, or evening) teaching SAL principles and focusing on how to best apply those principles in family members' daily lives.

Click HERE to buy Dr. Jordan Jensen's book — SELF-ACTION LEADERSHIP

I invite Mothers and Fathers to email me to share HOW you are using the SAL Book and Master Challenge to teach your children. I look forward to hearing from you! You can reach me personally at jordan.jensen@freedomfocused.com

Note: This article is one of SIX articles in a special series dedicated to different AUDIENCES that Freedom Focused specifically targets with Self-Action Leadership training. We invite leaders and managers of these different audiences to click on links below to read the articles pertaining to your field or constituency.

Click HERE to access article for  BUSINESS PROFESSIONALS (Leaders, Managers, & Workers)

Click HERE to access article for  EDUCATORS  (Administrators, Teachers, & Staff)

Click HERE to access article for  STUDENTS & INDIVIDUALS

Click HERE to access article for PARENTS & FAMILIES

Click HERE to access article for ELECTED OFFICIALS, LEADERS, & ROLE MODELS

Click HERE to access article for PERSONS dealing with MENTAL ILLNESS


References:

[1] Maxwell, N.A. (1978). The Women of God. (Public Address).

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SELF-ACTION LEADERSHIP is the key catalyst for initiating transformational leadership that lasts in any organization. The truth of the matter really is that simple; and the transformation of organizations through the holistic development of individuals really is that difficult—yet altogether possible for anyone willing to invest the time, effort, and sacrifice required to achieve authentic, transformational results.

Unlike any training program that has ever preceded it, Self-Action Leadership provides a single vehicle wherewith individual self-leaders can discover—and then act—upon the great truth that HOLISTIC personal development and growth spanning the mental, moral, spiritual, physical, emotional, and social elements of our individual natures is within the grasp of each one of us.

Note: Freedom Focused is a non-partisan, for-profit, educational corporation. As such, we do not endorse or embrace political figures. We do, however, comment from time-to-time on historical or political events that provide pedagogical backdrops to illuminating principles contained in the SAL Theory & Model.

Click HERE to learn more about the SAL Theory & Model.

To receive weekly articles from Freedom Focused & Dr. Jordan R. Jensen, sign up with your e-mail address in the white box on the right side of this page where it says "Follow by E-mail."

Click HERE to buy a copy of Dr. Jordan Jensen's new book, Self-Action Leadership: The Key to Personal, Professional, & Global Freedom.

Click HERE to read more about Dr. Jensen's book, Self-Action Leadership, and to review what experts in the leadership field are saying about this groundbreaking new personal development handbook.

Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Jordan R. Jensen. Click HERE to visit the Freedom Focused website.

The Practical Function of Self-Action Leadership Training

Great organizations are built one quality person at a time

Organizations, no matter how large or small, are nothing more than macro conglomerations of the micro individuals who work, manage, and lead within each community, company, school, home, et cetera.

If your people are incompetent, your organization will eventually fail.  If your ranks are rife with duplicity or one-upsmanship, you'll have a shifty company assembled atop a faulty foundation.  If your folks are fundamentally lazy or unmotivated, your group will underperform itself into expendability and oblivion.  If your entity lacks correct, principle-centered leadership at its helm, then the bow, bay, bilge, aft, and stern will never realize its greatest possibilities—no matter how great each person's individual potential may be.

It ALL begins with the ONE

On the other hand, if you have highly capable people, your organization will be productive and profitable.  If your rolls are ripe with integrity, your company will be built to last—because it has a firm foundation.  If disciplined hard work and determination carries the day, your group's status as elite warriors and champions of your industry is assured.  And if your entity is well led by leaders who exemplify and champion correct principles, your success is guaranteed.

The Practical Function of Self-Action Leadership Training is to TRANSFORM nations, communities, companies, schools, and homes into world-class performing organizations through the holistic DEVELOPMENT of the individuals that make them up as well as the LEADERS who guide them.  It all starts with the one—with you, and with me.  In the end, efficacious Self-Action Leadership and the correct principle centered Leadership it inspires are the indispensable ingredients to great organizations that are productive, prosperous, and built-to-last.

World-renown leadership expert James G.S. Clawson, Ph.D., of the Darden School of Business Administration (University of Virginia), underscored this point toward the end of a decorated academic career when he wrote:

"I have come to believe that one of the biggest leadership issues [throughout the World today] is the inability of people – even and especially managers and executives – to lead themselves." [1]

Note: Dr. James G.S. Clawson is a Professor Emeritus at the Darden Graduate School of Business at The University of Virginia.  Dr. Clawson's academic career includes authoring 17 manuscripts and the writing or supervision of over 300 cases.  He is the author of the famous classroom textbook, Level Three Leadership. 

And the good news is that Self-Action Leadership is not reserved only for leaders, managers, or top-tiers performers.  In the words of Dr. Charles C. Manz—the Father of self-leadership in the academe—and the esteemed Nirenberg Professor of Leadership at the University of Massachussetts:

"Effective self-leadership can be learned … [It] is not restricted to people we describe as “self-starters,” “self-directed,” “self-motivated,” etc.… Self-leadership approach[es] are relevant to managers and nonmanagers—that is, to anyone who works." [2]

Note: Dr. Charles C. Manz is an acclaimed author, speaker, and researcher who has published over 200 articles and scholarly papers and 20 books.  He has done consulting work for Zerox, GM, the Mayo Clinic, Motorola, 3M, American Express and others.  He is a recipient of the Harvard Business School's prestigious Marvin Bower Fellowship that is "awarded for outstanding achievement in research and productivity, influence, and leadership in business scholarship."

Self-Action Leadership  ~  The Book

SELF-ACTION LEADERSHIP is the key catalyst for initiating transformational leadership that lasts in any organization.  The truth of the matter really is that simple; and the transformation of organizations through the holistic development of individuals really is that difficult—yet altogether possible for anyone willing to invest the time, effort, and sacrifice required to achieve authentic, transformational results.

Unlike any training program that has ever preceded it, Self-Action Leadership provides a single vehicle wherewith individual self-leaders can discover—and then act—upon the great truth that HOLISTIC personal development and growth spanning the mental, moral, spiritual, physical, emotional, and social elements of our individual natures is within the grasp of each one of us.

Perhaps Dr. Christopher P. Neck, an Associate Professor at Arizona State University said it best when he wrote:

"Dr. Jensen has accomplished a task that is very difficult for any author or scholar to achieve, and that is to produce a Theory and Model and write a book that is highly relevant to multiple audiences at the same time.   

"Because of the universal applicability of basic self-leadership principles, his message is germane to civic leaders, business professionals and workers of all kinds, educators, students, athletes, parents, and children—in short, to everyone.  Indeed, I do believe that everyone who participates in SAL Training or reads Dr. Jensen's book will be able to access a unique and vital set of tools that can potentially transform their personal and professional performance and life.  I am amazed at Jordan’s achievement in developing a single Theory and Model and authoring a single book that carries the potential to reach such a wide variety of people—and that is the beauty of it. 

"Dr. Jensen's book and the SAL training that accompanies it will do much more than just teach you about Self-Action Leadership.  It will cause you to think deeply about how you are currently living your own life and directing your own career.  It will illuminate ways that you could better lead yourself to achieve the results you most desire in the long-run. 

"More importantly, Jensen’s compelling story and courageous personal example, combined with his percipient ability to effectively teach the corresponding self-leadership principles, will inspire and motivate you to actually do something about what you will learn.  In the process, it might even touch emotions in your heart that will move you to joy and tears.  It takes a talented teacher and writer to do all of these things, so I know you’ll enjoy participating in SAL training and reading Dr. Jensen's book.  More importantly, I know you’ll come away a wiser person with an increased motivation to begin taking action to realize your own Self-Action Leadership potential, an opportunity we can all take full advantage of, if only we will." [3]

Note: Christopher P. Neck, Ph.D. is an illustrious academic who has published prolifically (scholarly articles, academic textbooks, books, book chapters, etc.).  He is also a highly esteemed and decorated instructor who has received numerous awards for classroom teaching.  His work has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, U.S. News & World Report, Psychology Today, Fortune, and Fast Company.  He has also done professional training for GE/Toshiba, Prudential Life Insurance, Dillards, U.S. Airways, The U.S. Army, Crestar, American Family Insurance, and others.    

Upcoming blog articles are going to feature the SEVEN (7) different AUDIENCES that Self-Action Leadership training specifically targets.  We invite leaders and managers of these different audiences to tune in to their respective, upcoming article for more information about why SAL training is the most important message you could possibly provide to your managers, staffs, and employees.  These articles will be published in order, as follows...

Wednesday, February 24, 2016   ~  Business Professionals  (Leaders, Managers, & Workers)

Wednesday, March 2, 2016  ~  Educators  (Administrators, Teachers, and Support Staff)

Wednesday, March 9, 2016  ~  Students of All Ages

Wednesday, March 16, 2016  ~  Parents & Families

Wednesday, March 23, 2016  ~  Individuals  

Wednesday, March 30, 2016  ~  Elected Officials & other high profile Leaders & Role Models

Wednesday, April 6, 2016  ~  Persons dealing with mental illness

Back Cover of Self-Action Leadership, the Book

Note: Freedom Focused is a non-partisan, for-profit, educational corporation.  As such, we do not endorse or embrace political figures.  We do, however, comment from time-to-time on historical or political events that provide pedagogical backdrops to illuminating principles contained in the SAL Theory & Model.

Click HERE to learn more about the SAL Theory & Model.

To receive weekly articles from Freedom Focused & Dr. Jordan R. Jensen, sign up with your e-mail address in the white box on the right side of this page where it says "Follow by E-mail."

Click HERE to buy a copy of Dr. Jordan Jensen's new book, Self-Action Leadership: The Key to Personal, Professional, & Global Freedom.

Click HERE to read more about Dr. Jensen's book, Self-Action Leadership, and to review what experts in the leadership field are saying about this groundbreaking new personal development handbook.

Click HERE to learn more about Dr. Jordan R. Jensen.  Click HERE to visit the Freedom Focused website.

Notes:

[1] Clawson, J. G. S. (2008). Leadership As Managing Energy. International Journal of Organizational Analysis. Volume 16, Issue 3. p. 174-181. DOI:10.1108/19348830810937943. Page 175.
[2] Manz, C. C. (1983). Improving Performance Through Self-Seadership. National Productivity Review (pre-1986). Volume 2, Issue 3. p. 288-297. Page 289. 
[3] Paraphrased quote of Dr. Neck from his foreword to Self-Action Leadership: The Key to Personal, Professional, & Global Freedom.  J.Jensen (2015). Bloomington, IN: authorHouse Publishing.  

Night & Day Difference - A"Before-and-After" Picture of My Mental Hygiene

I have come a long ways in learning to manage my OCD & depression. Today, my symptoms are more of a faint hum in the background of my life rather than a blaring bugle in the forefront. In this blog post, I share the assessments of others closest to me who add their two cents to describing the tremendous "Before-and-After" pictures of my mental hygiene.

Jensen family in 1989.  I am youngest boy. My OCD became clinical in 1992.

FAMILY MEMBER'S ASSESSMENTS

Aside from my own self-assessment of how far I have come, which I will elaborate on later in this chapter, it is also insightful, and perhaps even more so, to consult the viewpoints and perspectives of others who knew me best, and who were the most intimately aware of the struggle I was having with OCD. In soliciting the feedback of my parents, siblings, and siblings-in-law, I posed the following query: “How far has Jordan come in his battle with OCD—and his life in general—since first being clinically diagnosed in 1997?” With the exception of a few minor typographical corrections and formatting adjustments, I have reprinted these family responses verbatim as I received them. I have done this to maintain the integrity of each person’s full response, even though some responses strayed at times from the direct question posed, and contained a few minor factual discrepancies. Despite my penchant for factual accuracy, I have opted to allow for the occasional deviation from the precise facts in these descriptions because they are, in fact, factual representation of the way they saw it.

FROM MY MOTHER

1. When Jordan was a kid, he always seemed to be ahead of his peers socially and consequently related to adults better than he did friends his same age. This made school experience difficult, because he was surrounded mostly by his peers. Adults that knew Jordan would always exclaim to me what an amazing young man he was. More mature than most boys his age.

He displayed an uncanny ability to lead those around him. Example: Upon the discovery of the death of a Mouse, (or bird....I can't remember which), he went to great lengths to give it a proper burial and had his cousins stand and listen to scriptures he read from the Bible. They didn't question anything Jordan wanted to do or accomplish.

One day when I was doing laundry, He, his little sister Jessie and his cousin Ryan were playing in the doll house across the hallway. I heard him say, "I'll be the Dad, Jessie you be the Mother, and Ryan, you be the Dog". Immediately Ryan dropped to all fours and started barking. I couldn't believe it. If I had been Ryan, I would have said, "how come you get to be the Dad and I'm the Dog?" Kids his own age seemed to look up to him and regularly follow his council. He never saw his ability to lead others as something special or unusual......it was just who he was.

When he was older, in high school, he organized amazing, elaborate dates. Both boys and girls wanted to be invited and involved in Jordan's plans.

Perhaps the most elaborate of all was a Robin Hood date in which he and a good friend rode around on horseback and shot invitations to the girls, via arrows, that landed on their front yards. (Did I mention his dates were always elaborate?) They were of course dressed in the attire befitting Robin Hood's era and the horses were borrowed, as we did not have any horses. : )

He involved the entire Family. For example, I made the turkey feast, while his siblings were assigned specific responsibilities, all of which were crucial to his ability to orchestrate his carefully laid out plans. His brothers helped build a gigantic bonfire, which he started with a flaming arrow. Brothers, hidden in bushes and trees, video taped the entire evening, so at the end of the adventure all the girls and boys could view themselves on the television at our home.

I have shared only a small part of what was required to pull off one of his adventures.......but they were elaborate to say the least. One time he did a mission impossible date and even solicited the help of a teacher and the local police department. People rarely turned him down if he made a request. You might say Jordan had an amazing imagination which he enjoyed using and exercised it regularly.

Through all of these preparations which were painstakingly executed, he seemed to thrive on both preparation and outcome.

2. The one thing that always characterized Jordan was his absolute integrity and honesty. Often times his OCD would play havoc with these qualities. I remember when he took some national test that would determine whether or not he could skip a certain class his freshman year. (I think it was English 101 ) Anyway, he took the test. When the letter came in the mail revealing he had a glowing score and would be able to wave the freshman class, he had a hard time accepting it. His very words to me were..........."It was mostly essay and I just BS... ed my way through it, I couldn't possibility have done so well."( He has a gift with words and language.) All I could say was....."well, you must have done a remarkable job at b.s. ing" Don't fight it, you passed and that's wonderful.

3. When Jordan was passing off merit badges to earn his Eagle Scout award, his scout master told me that Jordan felt he had to do twice as much as was actually required, because he didn't feel the basic requirements were adequate enough to make him worthy of the merit badge.

4. I noted when he was around 12ish....he had an obsession with washing his hands. It was to the point that he had bandages on nearly every finger including thumbs, they were so raw.[1]

Jordan from a young age kept a little black note book. When he came across or heard a word he didn't know, he would look it up, write it in his little book and use it until it became a part of his vocabulary. He was always asking me if I knew the meaning of a certain word. It always seemed to surprise him when I did know. When I didn't I told him so.

5. Jordan was enthralled with the Civil War and about age 14, he started to write a story that took place during the Civil War. He took great pains to research details of that era so everything would be historically accurate. I've never met another child who was as tenacious in everything he encountered.

How has he grown and overcome his issues?

I believe the real key to Jordan's conquering his OCD challenges lie's in two amazing qualities. First: his great humility. Second:, his desire to be the best person he can be.

When he was a junior in high school, he wrote a paper, for some class at school, on OCD. After he had written it, he came to me and said, "Mother, I think this is me" .

That he was willing to look at himself candidly and HONESTLY was a big step. But the giant step was deciding to do something about it. When he got to college, he asked me if it would be ok if he went to see a counselor to get help. He got the help, and was eager, humble and willing to do the things presented to him [by his counselor].

At one point, the counselor prescribed medication. After a time, he decided he was doing fine and went off the medication. One of his brother's let me know he was not doing well. I'm not sure which brother, or brothers encouraged him to see that he needed to stay on the medication. The important thing was that Jordan was humble, teachable and willing to listen to those who see things more clearly than he did.

Jordan and I would talk into the wee hours of the night. He has a mastery of the English Language and is always striving to learn more. His example to me has made a major difference in my life …

He has truly taught me that "It's NOT over until it's over." Our lives are a result of our daily choices and we must learn that no one has the power to hold us back but ourselves. I do so love Jordan. He is a giant among men and will bless the lives of all he touches.

He is one of the most sensitive men I have ever known. In my opinion, this sensitivity, I believe has become a part of Jordan's every day life because he knows what it feels like to suffer and be in pain. Because of his trials and challenges, he has a tremendous desire to lift and comfort the sore distressed, the lost, and the discouraged souls around him. Having experienced some of the vicissitudes of mortality, he is more able to succor those who have had similar challenges.

FROM MY FATHER

Jordan was always an “amazer.” He simply amazed everyone who knew him. He had four older brothers, and he wanted to learn everything they knew, whether it be calculus or Korean. He was ten years ahead of his peers almost from the start.

When he was about 10 or 11 years old, I noticed that he seemed withdrawn, overly serious and worried about something. I invited him into my office and asked him if something was bothering him.

He confessed that he felt like a sinner, and that he had been praying about it, but that the problem did not go away. I asked him what it was. His reply was that he was thinking too much about girls.

It was all I could do to keep a straight face. After all, I squandered about 90% of my youth thinking about things feminine.

I explained to Jordan, that it was normal for boys to think about girls, and that there was certainly no sin about what he confessed to. I suggested that he might talk to his big brothers if he wanted further light and knowledge on the subject.

His demeanor changed overnight. He was his happy little self again.[2] I could relate a hundred other instances where Jordan did not react to things like most kids his age.

While this incident occurred some time before he was actually diagnosed by the medical community with OCD, I think it was part of the reason he decoded so many of the things that kids are exposed to in life differently than others his age.

I have been as impressed with the way Jordan has fought and overcome his OCD problems as I have with many other accomplishments on his considerable resume.

FROM OLDER BROTHER PAUL [3] AND HIS WIFE AMY [4]

Fun Stories:

We remember a visit to downtown Spokane. We were going out for dinner or some sort of fun. As we parked our car and checked the time, we discovered we were within 15 minutes of the free parking time zone. Our parking meter was expired, but we decided to take the risk and not plug any quarters into the machine....after all, it was only 15 minutes. We proceeded down the sidewalk heading for our dining destination. After a few moments we realized Jordan had disappeared. As all good siblings do, we stopped and began searching for our lost bro. Seconds later we heard the huffing and puffing of a sprinter behind us. We turned to see a red-faced Jordan racing to catch-up to us. He explained that he felt it was dishonest to park for that extra 15 minutes without paying and he had rushed back to the meter and plugged in the necessary fare. We just shook our heads. (Jordan, do we still owe you that $ .50?).

As a senior in high school Jordan always excelled in English class. Writing came effortlessly and his grades reflected this. At times Jordan felt undeserving of his high marks as writing took little preparation or effort. One such assignment sent Jordan back to the classroom to argue with his teacher. Most students fight for a higher grade. Not Jordan. He went to the teacher explaining why the assignment had been scored too high. Jordan knew he could have put forth more effort, therefore he shouldn't have receive a high score. Instead of being grateful for the gift he had been given to write well, with moderate effort, he criticized the teacher for giving him too much credit. Jordan couldn't rest easily if he got better grades then he felt he deserved. No wiggle room. Jordan never gave himself a break.

One Friday night we decided to order pizza, certainly a treat for a young married couple and a teenager. We took a pizza count prior to ordering. Amy stated that she would eat one piece, Paul would have 4, and Jordan....the rest. Once the pizza arrived, Amy decided one wasn't quite enough and took a second piece. Jordan, desiring accuracy in all things, contested whether she had a right to one more piece. Amy and Jordan argued back and forth....Amy explaining that she changed her mind...Jordan arguing that she had to stick with her original commitment...Paul laughing and eating his pizza.

Our favorite story about Jordan's OCD is the story of Civic-vs-Accord. Driving to the airport one day we made a comment about our Honda Civic. Jordan began to laugh and told us he couldn't believe after having our car for a couple years that we couldn't remember what model our car was. We laughed right back at him. Of course we knew what model of car we drove, be bought it together, we paid our car payment, insurance, maintenance and tabs for our car. Surely we knew what care we drove. As we chuckled, Jordan was beside himself with laughter. HE couldn't believe we were so dense!! How could WE not know what type of car we owned! Ridiculous! Crazy! He thought we were complete idiots! Jordan just shook his head, he was completely sure he was correct. He was positive that we had an Accord. Well, since Jordan was always so confident in his accuracy, and Paul loved to catch him in an off moment, he challenged Jordan to put his money on it. Dinner was the wager. If we indeed had a Honda Civic, then Jordan had to take us to dinner. If Jordan was right and we had a Honda Accord, then we'd take him to dinner. Jordan agreed immediately, without hesitation. The rest of the drive consisted of Paul and Amy discussing which restaurant they would choose, and Jordan sitting smugly in the backseat.

Upon arriving at the airport, Jordan flew out of the backseat and raced to the rear of the car. Poor Jordan. Glee turned to disgust as he stared downtrodden at the letters C-I-V-I-C. Darn it!

The dinner out was a blast. Paul and Amy planned to pull a prank on Jordan. Jordan knew he had to pay for dinner so they decided to really make him sweat and order as much food as possible (intending the whole time to pay the bill themselves....knowing full well Jordan only had about $50 in the bank). They sat down and ordered two appetizers, steak and fish for dinner. When dinner was over, they got dessert. Paul simply couldn't decide between two different desserts, so he got both of them. Jordan didn't choose a dessert, he sat in his seat watching us eat our dessert no doubt adding number totals in his head and seething the whole time. When the bill of $70 came, Paul chuckled and snatched it to pay. It was then that we told Jordan our original plan to make him sweat. He was relieved, but disappointed he hadn't ordered a dessert plate for himself.

Positives:

OCD wasn't all bad for Jordan. People around him were not aware of his challenge, they only saw a mature teenager who focused on details. At one point Jordan was asked to speak in a bi-annual church meeting consisting of 600+ people of all ages. Speakers were chosen from the various congregations, and Jordan was chosen as the teenage speaker. Jordan studied and prepared his talk well. When he spoke he was confident, direct, and polished. Jordan spoke with a maturity above his years. He was an example to his peers and adults alike. Jordan's accuracy and attention to detail may have been a weakness in some areas, but they have been strengths as well.

Now Years Later:

It has been over a decade since Jordan lived with us as a high school senior. The tools he has gained since that time have been life-changing. Jordan has learned how to take his OCD by the horns and work with it. He uses the tools he has gained to keep his OCD manageable. Jordan has become more self-aware. He has taken the opportunity to use his experiences with OCD to help others who struggle with the same challenges. He keeps it all in perspective. OCD doesn't define Jordan, OCD is just one aspect of life...Jordan has brown hair....Jordan deals with OCD......Jordan likes pizza......Jordan loves sports......as simple as that!

FROM OLDER BROTHER DAVID [5]

For the most part for me, I never really saw a "disorder." I saw someone who was overly honest to the point that it was a little ridiculous. I remember in building shelves, You stressing over things like: we weren't putting in enough nails to make it strong enough. You felt like we were being dishonest to the customer because we weren't putting enough nails in. The irony is that we were the ones with the expertise and years of experience building shelves, yet because you perceived that something wasn't exactly perfect that somehow we were being dishonest.

I felt like a lot of your dating situations went for the worse because of your perception of the world around you from that honesty stand point. The fact that you had a restraining order placed against you by one of the girls you dated was evidence of that. You just didn't see the world around you the same as most every body else.

I remember when I was a Junior in High School and for Halloween your costume was a "Junior in High School". It wasn't good enough to have a backpack on. It had to have all of my books in it. Well, a math, science and history book get pretty heavy for a nine year old to lug around, but you refused to just have a back pack on because if it didn't have a "Juniors" real books in it then some how in your mind the costume wasn't authentic. A silly over-honest manifestation. I always thought that was so endearing that you wanted to be like Wayne and I, and I would have at the time never placed you as having a "disorder" because of it, but all these little things over time added up to the fact that you really were struggling with something.

Again, I mostly saw someone that was overly honest. If I could hand pick a "disorder" to place on some one or even myself, I could think of a lot worse things. I have always admired you for the way you are and the way you always saw the world. I think as you have gotten older, it has helped you to keep a positive outlook on life that so many lose with time.

I am even more impressed with your ability to recognize that the disorder existed, and then work so hard to understand and overcome it. You are amazing, never forget that.

FROM OLDER BROTHER WAYNE [6]

With a Masters in Educational Counseling, I briefly studied the condition of OCD and how to help kids in the secondary educational system. The challenge for Jordan is that he is obsessive about being honest, and in today's world it can be very discouraging as honesty is a waning value generally.

Honesty is the best policy and I love Jordan for this quality. I would never have to wonder if Jordan was trying to take advantage of me or anyone else for that matter. When I witnessed Jordan putting money into a parking meter just before leaving the curbside or delivering more "tip" to a restaurant months after eating there, because he felt he did not tip the waitress enough, or when he went to his high school principal with a plan to eradicate profanity in the hallways... I knew he would easily refrain from the more damning sins like cutting in line or tasting a grape at the store before buying. It sure made relationships with girls extra challenging as he did not want to "lead them on" with any kind of affection like a kiss or a hug.

The beauty is that Jordan has always taken a humble approach to life and has been willing to face the challenges and proactively do things to help himself overcome. I was impressed that he diagnosed himself before getting his parents to get him professionally evaluated. Jordan has been diligent to follow recommendations of doctors and to really evaluate his own progress (which comes from his humility).

He is now married to a wonderful woman and pursuing a doctorate degree and will become a wonderful asset to society with all he has learned as he wants to teach and empower others in self leadership. I cannot think of a better candidate than Jordan for this. I think being truly honest with oneself is rare and Jordan will be a source of great hope to many in the future.

FROM OLDER BROTHER JOE [7]

It seems to me that the biggest area of improvement in Jordan's life is his ability to deal with moral dilemmas. 12 years ago, Jordan wouldn't have been able to take a Zucchini from a neighbor because he knew he would never eat it. While most of us would take the Zucchini and maybe even compliment the giver on his or her amazing abilities to grow champion-caliber green squash, Jordan would have been compelled to tell the person that he really shouldn't take it because he had no intention of ever eating it.

Jordan's OCD manifested itself in a rather peculiar way. While many seem to be obsessive compulsive about germs, cleanliness, routines, etc, Jordan's OCD appeared to be centered in a compulsive honesty. He didn't think he should be given his Eagle Scout award because a piece of paperwork wasn't properly done before he turned 18. He argued with his brother Joe (His boss in this context) for 30 minutes because he wanted to put 3 or four nails in a board when Joe insisted the board only needed 2 nails. While the purpose of this write-up is not to diagnose a cause, it seemed as though any time Jordan felt like there was the tiniest hint of dishonesty in his life, it seemed to paralyze him emotionally and socially. He couldn't function with the thought that he might not be perfectly honest in every way.

Of course this really is a debilitating situation because we are faced with hundreds of moral dilemmas every day. Is it honest to look at a non-work-related website at work for a few minutes? Is it honest to get an A in a class when you really didn't give it your best effort? Is it honest to leave work a few minutes early to get to a family member's ball game, even though you regularly put in extra time at work? Do you pay [church] tithing on your gross or net income? The source of these types of issues are endless, and the guilt associated with them for Jordan really affected him socially and emotionally.

So, how far has he come? Really, at this point, from an outsider’s perspective, he seems cured. While I'm sure he still deals with it in certain ways, he has figured out how to not let it paralyze him. I know he has hit the problem head on, and really embraced both medication and counseling as tools to help him deal with the situation. I believe his wife also provides an invaluable balancing voice. I don't know all that he has done to overcome the effects of this condition, but it certainly appears that he has learned to cope with the problem. Back when it affected him most, it seemed to be almost like a dark cloud over him. Now I would say that no such storm follows him. He was incredibly mature in his approach to the disorder, and was not afraid to seek out professional help.

FROM OLDER SISTER JODY [8]

I remember when you were in junior high/ high school and would put band-aids all over your hands and fingers; glad you don't do that any more.

I remember when you would stress for days, weeks, even months, maybe years about maybe seeing someone who might have stole something, and then beat yourself up that it was your responsibility to make it ALL right. I'm glad you don't do that any more.

I'm glad you don't wash your hands until they bleed, seems like that was an issue for a while, maybe it was just the harsh Monticello weather, but probably not.

I'm glad your married to wonderful Lina and not still "stalking" girls who you could simply not get out of your head or who caused you enormous pain unbeknownst to them.

I'm sorry that you had to figure all of this out on your own through self diagnosis coupled with pain and suffering instead of being led to help from parents or loved ones.

I'm glad you sought help through counseling and medication, and have gained an appreciation and compassion for others who may suffer.

FROM OLDER BROHER-IN-LAW TROY (JODY'S HUSBAND) [9]

I've not known much of Jordan's OCD. In fact, the main thought that comes to mind in considering this question is that the only two reasons I know about it are that: 1. He has brought it up from time to time in family settings. His self-awareness of the issue has seemed honest and pragmatic. 2. His sister Jody (my wife) has mentioned it to me at times. The only way I've ever really "seen it" or noticed it is when Jody would relate a story from Jordan's youth that in some way related to something that was going on in Jordan's adult life now. But at the moment I'm at a loss for a single specific example.

Overall one of the biggest changes I've noticed in Jordan since getting to know him in his teen year is his improved maturity of self assessment and of social skills. When Jordan was younger and single we (his sister and myself and his other siblings) would talk about what it might be like "someday" when Jordan would be married. It was a little hard to picture and we knew it would take just the right individual. Now he and his wife make it look easy. I'll also mention Jordan's willingness to engage the world as it really is - to explore it, learn the truth and proceed accordingly. I was impressed as he did this when he moved to Atlanta. It seems his willingness to press forward, his faith in himself - has proved stronger than his OCD (or anything else) that might have held him back.

FROM YOUNGER SISTER JESSIE [10]

The main things that I remember from growing up with Jordan was some specific obsessive tendencies. Hand washing for example. He would wash and wash and wash some more. It became an obsession for him often. Probably the number one thing I recognized about Jordan growing up however, was how he was capable of obsessing over just about anything. He would get one idea or thought in his head and he couldn't let it go, regardless of how trivial the thought or idea might be. I noticed that this obsessive manner seemed to greatly affect his dating relationships. He would try to force relationships where it was apparent that there was nothing there, merely because he had his heart set on only dating that one person. Even in the relationships that would work for a while, when they ended up going sour for one reason or another, he would agonize and let it eat at him for months and months, even if the relationship was not serious.

In recent years, I have recognized that Jordan no longer obsesses about things in the same manner... at least not in an outwardly, public way. He is actually quite calm and relaxed about a lot of things that I think would have driven him crazy when he was younger. He knows how to let things go and overcome the obsessions. He seems much more emotionally stable due to this. He is very relaxed and chill in comparison to when we grew up. I think that he still struggles with certain obsessions or tendencies, but the degree to which he suffers is much less severe.

This section is taken from my Doctoral Dissertation, which can be downloaded for FREE at my website: www.freedomfocused.com (Books & Free Downloads).



[1] My use of band-aids was not from the over washing of my hands, but from a bad habit (you might say an obsessive habit), of pulling or biting off bits of skin on the ends of my fingers near the fingernails, often until it would bleed.
[2] So true! albeit, as I shared in a previous vignette, this happiness did not last for long as my OCD was just getting started.
[3] Twelve years my senior. I lived with Paul and Amy my senior year of high school, so they knew me up close and personally one of the most severe OCD years of my life.
[4] Seven years my senior. I lived with Paul and Amy my senior year of high school, so they knew me up close and personally one of the most severe OCD years of my life.
[5] Nine years my senior. Twin brother of Wayne.
[6] Nine years my senior. Twin brother to David.
[7] Eight years my senior, and always considered by me to be unusually healthy mentally, Joe was one of the non-professional “psychotherapists” I sought help from, and found enormous benefits from his willingness to listen to the various dilemmas I struggled through with OCD. He also provided me with wise counsel in taking practical action to resolve those dilemmas.
[8] Four years my senior.
[9] 12 years my senior.
[10] Two years younger than me.