SAL Book: My Story

In later chapters of this book, I attempt to teach SAL in part by sharing intricate details of my experiences with OCD, my misadventures with romance, and the ups and downs of my unorthodox career path. Before getting on to these chapters, I wish to preface them by providing a brief, autobiographical sketch my life’s story. This information serves as an introductory backdrop to other, more detailed stories to come, whereby I will vividly illustrate the principles of the SAL theory and model as I myself have attempted to live them.

My life, as with anyone’s life, is a story of the struggles to discipline one's response to life’s many problems, pains, perplexities, and failures. It is also a story of my growing success in meeting these challenges. This journey began as a toddler, as the following excerpt from my father’s journal illustrates:

Fri. July 10, 1981

Cute things happened this afternoon. I took Jordan with me to the bank to make an apartment deposit. Left him in the car while I went in. When I came out, he had opened the door of the car, leaned out, pulled down his britches and shorts and was proceeding to make a puddle on the asphalt. The last time he was with me at the Exxon Station I got a little upset with him for going on the seat. He did it right this time. Sure was cute. He was right proud of himself.

I was born on August 21, 1979 in Monticello, Utah—a small, rural community of about 2,000 people in the remote Four Corners area of the Western United States. I am the sixth of seven children and the youngest of five boys. My father was a high school teacher and rural renaissance man/entrepreneur. My mother was a homemaker and a successful saleswoman of a variety of products, including Avon. My family was loving and close-knit, but we had our share of parental differences and sibling squabbles. After most of my siblings had left home, my parents’ relationship deteriorated, leading to serious marital troubles and their divorce after 37 years.

From an early age, I was taught to value faith, family, community, country, and self-reliance. My father and older brothers taught me by example to work hard. I got my first paying job at age five. I earned $40 for a summers’ worth of work helping my dad and brothers build a cabin on Dad’s land. I was free to spend $20 as I wished. The other $20 went into my church mission fund. My position/title that summer was, "the fetch-it," my job being to fetch tools for my dad and brothers. 

At age seven, my family moved to Mesa, Arizona. This move to a more populated area marked a significant life transition for me. I traded in my country boy jeans’n’boots for suburban shorts and sneakers. In short, I became a “city boy." This move signaled the formal beginning of my Self-Action Leadership journey, which was initiated by my attendance at one of my Uncle Hryum’s Franklin Institute time management seminars at age seven or eight. It seems as though this seminar, and events like it, were providentially placed in my young life, as they planted important seeds that would eventually grow into my chosen career—and the writing of this book.

Following my seventh-grade year, my family moved back to Monticello. I attended Monticello High School from grades 8-11. During the summer months, I had the opportunity to work at a variety of blue-collar jobs involving grounds keeping, construction, farming, and ranching. These jobs taught me hard work, as well as how to deal with physical pain and discomfort. They also taught me the satisfaction that came from a job well done. While in high school, my main chore was to chop, stack, and replenish our wood supply for our home’s wood-burning stove. I loved my job as the family fire builder and maintenance man, and was usually reliable in attending to my chores.

In 1995, I began a two-year stint as a newspaper correspondent for the Blue Mountain Panorama, a small-town weekly serving Blanding and Monticello, Utah; my professional writing career had begun. At this same time, my academic performance largely floundered as a result of OCD, struggles with math and science, poor study habits, and a preference for athletics over academics.

I began experiencing OCD symptoms at age 10. They became increasingly severe at age 12. Unfortunately, I was not clinically diagnosed until I was 17. These intervening 4-5 years were, in many ways, hellish.

From ages 8-18, I was involved in scouting, first as a Cub Scout, and later as a Boy Scout. At age 18, I received my Eagle Scout Award. Scouting taught and reinforced many important SAL lessons I was learning at home and school, and further instilled within me the importance of consciously developing character traits such as honesty, integrity, duty, discipline, consistency, formality, obedience to authority, a strong work ethic, patriotism, and a positive attitude.

In 1997, following my junior year in high school, I moved to Spokane, Washington to live with my oldest brother and his wife for my senior year. This move was motivated by my pursuit of an athletic opportunity in a larger school and classification.

It also paved the way for me to better deal with my OCD by vacating an increasingly negative home experience that had soured in recent years due to my parent’s deteriorating relationship. I graduated from Joel E. Ferris High School in Spokane, Washington in 1998. Following high school, I served a voluntary, two-year mission for my Church in Alberta, Canada.

In 2001, I began college at Brigham Young University as a visiting student for the spring and summer terms. BYU had rejected my application as a regular, full-time student due to poor grades and an average ACT score, so I enrolled at Utah Valley State College (now Utah Valley University) during fall and winter semesters. As a college student, I was never one to “let school get in the way of my education.”[1] I was not a partier (I don’t even drink alcohol), but I did seek out a variety of educational opportunities involving athletics, theatre, film, part-time work, babysitting for—and spending time with—family members, dating, and attending speeches and presentations on campus and throughout the community.

In May 2003, I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree in English after going to school year-round for 27 consecutive months. The day after completing my degree, I fulfilled a personal dream to live in the American South. Enamored by Civil War history, Southern hospitality, warmer climates – including humidity--and various other romantic notions, I went forth to seek my fortunes in Atlanta, Georgia.

I spent six months in Georgia on my first go-round. I lived with my cousins and worked for them part-time in their software business. I also got a job as a retail salesman in a FranklinCovey store at a mall for about four months. In addition, I taught my first seminar on personal leadership at Lassiter High School in Marietta--a pro bono gig.

In early 2004, I returned to Utah and got a job as an Assistant to the Director of the Center for the Advancement of Leadership at my Alma Mater. During this time I began proactively developing my seminar business, and taught over 60 pro bono gigs for middle, high school, and college aged audiences.

In 2005, I founded my company—Freedom Focused, LLC—and became a full-time entrepreneur. In December of that year, I decided to move back to Georgia where I continued building my business in a bigger market. In 2006, I published my first book: I Am Sovereign: The Power of Personal Leadership--a self-leadership guide for teenagers. Although I made some encouraging progress, my leap of faith did not pan out as I had hoped. Out of money and deeply in debt, I spent 16 months doing whatever work I could find to make ends meet. Odd jobs I picked up included childcare, substitute teaching, grounds keeping, temp work, and drying cars for a car washing business. With a little help from family members and my Church, I managed to eat and keep a roof over my head while narrowly skirting bankruptcy and barely retaining possession of my car.

In 2006, I met Lina Tucker, my wife-to-be. We dated for about a year and then got engaged. We were married in 2008. I began facilitating professional seminars around the country in 2007. Lina graduated from the Georgia Institute of Technology (Georgia Tech) in 2009 with a Bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering.

Shortly after her graduation, we moved to Houston, Texas, where Lina started work with a Fortune 100 Company in the energy industry. With the tanking economy, my contract training work dried up. To adjust, I pursued and acquired a position teaching 9th Grade English at Cypress-Ridge High School in Houston. In June 2009, I started a doctoral program in Education at Fielding Graduate University--a distance education program out of Santa Barbara, CA.

During my year at Cy-Ridge, my wife received a work transfer to St. John’s, Newfoundland Canada. In 2010, we relocated to St. John’s for two years during which time I worked on my doctoral degree and continued contract-training work in Canada.

In the spring of 2012, we returned to Houston. In the fall of 2012, I published my second book: Psalms of Life: A Poetry Collection.

In March 2013, I finished my Doctorate in education, we bought our our first house, and Lina gave birth to our first child—a delightful baby boy. In March 2015, Lina gave birth to our second child—a beautiful baby girl.

I am now 35 years old. I have moved 41 times in my life. These moves have taken me to 38 different addresses in five States and two Provinces of Canada spanning five different time zones. I have attended ten different schools. I have had 37 different positions of employment (many temporary) spanning a dozen different industries. Five of these positions were entrepreneurial-based; 31 were wage-earning positions, all of which added texture and richness to my overall education and life experiences as I strove to pursue my ultimate goal to become an international thought leader with expertise in teaching, writing, and corporate organization and leadership.

Like most people, my life has been a tale of triumph and trial, sorrow and success, anticipation, achievement, and even ecstasy mixed together with a full measure of agony, anxiety, and failure. Despite the many, deep trials I have faced, I consider my life to have been richly blessed. I was born of goodly parents into a loving family that resided in unusually peaceful parts of the world. While most of my life was not marked by financial abundance, I consider myself to be exceedingly rich in relationships, education, opportunities, memories, conscience, and an intra-personal will to self-lead. While the difficulties of OCD and other life challenges have tested me to my core, the bulwark of these riches has provided an indomitable defense that has held strong, allowing my trials to refine my skills and expand my influence.

AUTOETHNOGRAPHY AS RESEARCH METHOD

The term, "Autoethnography" is used by academics to refer to the systematic study and research of one's own life. The field of autoethnography has derived from ethnography—the study of individual groups of people—which in turn evolved out of the field of anthropology (the study of human cultures). 

In my doctoral dissertation, I conducted an autoethnographic research study whereby I carefully analyzed my life’s journey to see what I might learn about self-leadership and action research. My goal was to synthesize the data in order to create an original theory and model of self-leadership that might benefit others. The result is the SAL theory & model presented in this book.

I began collecting data for this expansive autoethnographic research project in 1987 as a young diarist over two decades before I began my doctoral work. I can, in large measure, thank my Dad for my journaling predilections. Dad began writing in a daily diary while in high school. He persisted in his journaling habit with an unusual devotion for decades thereafter. In the late 1980s, when I was just a boy, he had his journals copied and bound in matching red covers. On the spine he had his name and the year(s) emblazoned in gold lettering. These dozen or so 8” x 11” volumes, along with his growing number of Franklin Day Planner binders (where he penned his journals beginning in 1983) made an attractive addition to his office library. I received my first Franklin Day Planner in 1987 as an 8-year old second grader (see image below).

A lover of the written word from before I could even read, I was a regular patron of Dad’s home library, and quickly noticed his impressive-looking, professionally bound journals. He generously granted me permission to read them, and I forthwith began to explore his life through the pages of his voluminous diaries. These perusals provided fascinating journeys into the past where I came to know, love, and respect my father on a level that would have been impossible without his written records.

I keep many different kinds of journals, records, and lists. One of them I call my Emerson Journal, in honor of Ralph Waldo Emerson--an avid journaler and one of my literary and philosophical mentors. In my Emerson Journals, I record poetical thoughts as well as musings on philosophy, theology, religion, and Self-Action Leadership. Beginning in 2001, whenever a meaningful thought would enter my mind, I strove to pen it in my Emerson Journal.

I was amazed at the regularity of my receipt of new thoughts once I made a serious commitment to record them. Sometimes a thought would arrive late at night after I had already retired for bed, and I would feel compelled to get myself out of bed, turn on the light, grab a pen, and jot the information down. Other times inspiration would hit me while I was driving, and I’d likewise feel prompted to pull my car to the side of the road, extract my Little Black Book and pen from my pocket, and properly record whatever inspiration I had received before continuing my drive. I began carrying my pen and notebook around with me religiously, not knowing when the next gem of thought would enter my brain. Between 2002-2006, my mind was particularly flooded with thoughts, ideas, and inspiration, and my Emerson Journals grew to fill 22 “little black books” (4.5 x 3.25 inch, 160 pages).

This probably sounds as much like OCD as it does inspiration, and invariably, both forces were regular contributors to this project. I thank God for the inspiration because I believe He is the Source of it. And I thank certain OCD-related practices, which, when properly managed and directed have proven enormously helpful in the completion of any sizable project I have undertaken. In truth, I probably could not have developed the SAL theory or model, much less written this book, without some of my OCD-influenced intensity and other personal proclivities. There is always a silver lining to every life challenge. I hope this book helps you discover your own life's “silver linings,” for they are there—many and varied—if you are willing to search them out.

And now, without further ado or introduction, let's move on to Chapter 4, where you will begin your formal study of the Self-Action Leadership theory.

Next Blog Post ~ Tuesday, January 20, 2015 ~ Chapter 4: Your World


[1] A favorite saying of my mother and maternal grandfather, also attributed to Mark Twain and Benjamin Disraeli.

SAL Book: The Freedom to Change Part 3

SELF-ACTION LEADERSHIP

The opportunity to live up to your Existential Potential is an invitation to practice self-leadership, and more specifically, SELF-ACTION LEADERSHIP—or as I like to call it, just SAL for short.

SELF-LEADERSHIP: Intentional cognitive and behavioral leadership of self to achieve targeted results.

SELF-ACTION LEADERSHIP: Self-leadership that is morally informed, action-oriented, focused on long-term results, and aimed at a continual rise in the Existential Growth of self and others.

EXISTENTIAL GRAVITY

Unfortunately, far too many renounce their royal birthright to the baser inclinations of the animal within. This abdication is understandable; after all, holding on to the throne of civilized humanity is not easy—as history has amply evinced. Forces abound to usurp it whenever and wherever possible, and some of mankind’s greatest potentialities eventually became fatalities in the hellish and unrelenting onslaught that EXISTENTIAL GRAVITY inflicts upon us all.

EXISTENTIAL GRAVITY: Internal and external adversities influencing the poor exercise of Self-Action Leadership, thereby inhibiting Existential Growth and preventing a self-action leader’s rise to higher levels of personal freedom.

Remaining royal requires you fight the good fight and remain ever vigilant. The battles will be adventurous and exciting, but they will not be easy. In the words of one great leader, “The greatest battle of life is fought within the silent chambers of your own soul.”[1] It is a lonely battle, and a long and vital war – lonely because you are the only one who can give the orders to fight, long because life often seems long, and vital because your personal freedom is ever on the line.

ENEMIES OF PERSONAL FREEDOM

There are many ways we can relinquish our personal freedom—it’s easy to do so, and it shifts responsibility from our shoulders. It’s more comfortable to make excuses:

I was born this way.

It’s the fault of my genes or memes.

Changing would squelch my individuality, making me just one of the herd.

This is just the way I am.

Changing is hard, and not worth the effort.

I don’t want to change.

I can’t change…

Not even if I wanted to…

And not even if I tried.

MY BATTLES WITH CHANGE

My life has been, and continues to be, a battle with change. These battles started early.

For example, I sucked my finger until I was ten years old. As a “Big” third grader, this infantile fetish was embarrassing to me, and I’d conspicuously hide my scarred left finger with my right hand to prevent my peers from peering at the visible consequences of this puerile practice.

During the summer of my tenth year, I began to ponder on the oddity and silliness of a ten-year-old still addicted to sucking his finger. Such shame-ridden musings led me to begin considering the implications of breaking my absurdly prolonged habit. In the process, I concluded it was time to take the high road and choose to quit.

On August 21st, 1989 (my 10th birthday), I stopped sucking my finger. Doing so was very difficult. For the first two months, I was tempted daily—sometimes terribly so—to return to my bad habit. Twice, the temptation proved too great for my will to resist, and I relapsed briefly only to try again after each “Slip.” Determined to succeed, I rose each time I fell, and was eventually victorious. After two or three years, I finally stopped thinking about wanting to suck my finger. At age 35, the thought of sucking my finger is no longer a temptation; in fact, the very thought of it grosses me out. I have completely changed. Yet to this day, my left index finger remains slightly more worn than my right—a minor, but irreversible lingering consequence of my decision to engage in a bad habit for all those years.

If only finger sucking was my life’s only vice! At present, I deal with a wide array of shortcomings. Aside from propensities toward depression, addiction, impatience, and gluttony, I also have proclivities toward vindictiveness, lust, losing my temper, and a variety of other personal immaturities, vices, and imperfections. Yes, as far as I have come, I still have a long way to go.

If this weren’t enough, I have also struggled with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)—a story I will relate in a later chapter—since I was 10-years old. Dealing with OCD has been hard as hell. God be praised I don’t have to be my OCD forever. And thank God counselors and medication can help palliate symptoms in the short run, and cognitive-behavioral therapy has the power to change biochemical brain functioning in the long run. And thank God—literally—for His countless graces and tender mercies all throughout the process.

At best, life is often a deeply challenging, frequently frustrating, and dangerously discouraging journey. It would be nice if we could just snap our fingers and will ourselves to the land of authentic personal change. But of course it doesn’t work that way. I have been working on some areas of change for years, decades, or even my entire life. Some areas I have mastered; others I have not. Hopefully, through the tenets of Self-Action Leadership, the help of others, and Grace, I will master as many of them as possible before I die.

As difficult as change can be, I will never give up trying to become the kind of person I most want to be. This means I must rise each time I fall, and unfortunately, I fall more often than I would like. But the knowledge of my human imperfection will not stop me from trying. I believe there is something noble in making the attempt, because even if you fall short of your goal, you will become something greater by virtue of having tried in the first place. No good-faith human effort is ever wasted.

But in many cases, you will succeed completely. When you do, it may seem like a miracle; and in a very real sense, it will be. There is nothing quite so beautiful, impressive, and magnificent, as the miracle of change that occurs when a human being evolves into a better person than they were before making the attempt.

If you are like me, you were born with—and presently carry—a bag full of your own blunders and blemishes. You may have tried very hard and been very clever in hiding them from yourself. But deep down somewhere inside your mind and heart, you know they exist, and they inhibit your personal, relational, and professional success. Even deeper inside, you also know these weaknesses are ultimately a result of your own choices. Deeper still, perhaps so deep it resides only in your subconscious mind, you know you are not helpless to change. You are simply like most of us, most of the time—undesiring, and especially unwilling, to do the hard work that change demands.

REMEMBER

A wise man once remarked that the word “Remember” may very well be the most important word in the English language. G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936) made a similar comment when he said, “We need to be reminded more than we need to be instructed.”

This book serves to remind as much as it does to teach. It aims to review key truths of which you may already be aware, but are lying dormant somewhere in the dusty hard drive of your subconscious. It seeks to inspire you to do what only you can choose to do—and that is to CHANGE.

If change is possible for me, then change is possible for you. Time spent bemoaning the missed opportunities of the past is time poorly spent. You cannot change what happened yesterday, last year, or decades ago, but you can choose at any instant to make yourself better for the rest of your life. In truth, right now is the only moment you will ever have. That makes it the most important and valuable moment in your life—every day of your life. What are you going to do with this gift of the present?

“Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery; today is a gift, that is why they call it the present.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

Next Blog Post: Wednesday, November 12, 2014: Chapter 3: The Freedom to Change, Part 4: An Authentic Formula for Change

[1] Attributed to David O. McKay (1873-1970)

SAL Book: The Freedom to Change Part 2

A CULTURE OF VICTIMIZATION

Think about the last time you heard someone say:

          “This is just who I am,”

                    “I can’t change,”

                              “I was just born this way!”

                                        “I am who I am because of “So-and-so” or “Such-and-such”

                                                  “It’s someone/something else’s fault.

There are many manifestations of victimization based on the choices (conscious or not) to embrace shortsighted desires and inclinations instead of choosing to develop the noble characteristics of which all human beings are capable. Instead of rising up to their true potential and choosing their own way as a member of an advanced species—the human race—victims choose to view their value as being severely limited, even pre-determined.

We are not bound by whatever tendencies we may have towards laziness, lust, immaturity, dishonesty, gossip, addiction, malice, revenge, ill temperament, etc. We can choose to change – to become better – to become more than mere animals in human forms – to live up to our extraordinary potential for achievement and growth.
      

“You become what you think about all day long.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

YOUR EXISTENCE

This book uses the word “Existential” a lot. This term can connote a lot of different things. Its basic dictionary definition is:

Existential: Of, or relating to, your existence.

This book expands on this basic definition to further describe your holistic State of Being at any given point in your life. Typically, we view our lives through the lens of compartmentalization (i.e., personal, professional, recreational, mental, emotional, physical, social, sexual, etc.). The term “Existential” provides a simple, semantic means of conceptualizing the whole of your life’s existence.

The purpose of Self-Action Leadership is not to work on your life in slices. The goal is to view, and work on, your life as a whole. The purpose of SAL is not to make you a master of one area of life while neglecting other areas. Its goal is to empower you with growth across the full spectrum of your humanity in order to become balanced and whole in a way that enhances and advances your very existence.

Some people are masters at one area of their lives, yet slaves to another part. For example, have you ever met someone who is physically attractive, athletic, and fit—but who is spiritually bankrupt and whose relationships are in shambles? On the other hand, have you ever met a good, kind, spiritual person who had healthy relationships with friends and family, but who suffers from eating disorders or preventable physical health problems? Have you ever met someone who was incredibly successful professionally and financially, but lost their virtue, integrity, and family on their way to the top? Or perhaps you have known someone who was the quintessential family man or women, but consistently failed to properly provide financially for them?

I personally am guilty of many life imbalances. It would be nice if I could claim perfection at everything I talk about in this book, but the fact is I struggle right along with everyone else. It’s not easy to change, but it is always possible. Self-Action Leadership aims to empower men and women, boys and girls, with the knowledge, skills, and inspiration to become masters of their entire lives, not just pet, or petty slices of it.

YOUR EXISTENTIAL DUTIES AS A HUMAN BEING

I believe all human beings have a duty to try their best to develop nobler characteristics within themselves for the holistic, long-term benefit of self and others. This duty springs forth from the reality that, like it or not, we all live interconnected lives; thus, our decisions always impact other people either directly or indirectly. In the eloquent prose of John Donne:

No Man is an Island, entire of itself, every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away from the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a Promontory were, as well as if a Manor of thy friends, or of thine own were; Any Mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.

Whether you know it or not, and whether you like it or not, life has granted you the right to self-lead your existence in this world. This right is accompanied by a solemn responsibility to direct your life in ways that contribute positively to the long-term growth, development, and freedom of yourself and others.

Existential Duties: The duties you have to contribute to the growth and well-being of all human beings and other life forms by virtue of your own existence.

It is wrong to live only for yourself. Ethical living involves carefully considering how your actions will affect other human beings and life forms, including the Planet at large. This means you must sometimes play a role in cleaning up messes you had no part in creating – with the humble recognition that others have taken part in cleaning up your messes over the years. 

To remind myself of this duty, I strive to pick up at least one piece of trash I didn’t throw down every day. One piece of trash isn’t going to make a considerable difference in the world’s littering problem, but the power of the paradigm and practice in my life in the long run just might.

SAL MANTRA:

Pick up one piece of trash every day that you didn't throw down.

YOUR CONSCIENCE

To help you accomplish your Existential Duties, you have been endowed with a conscience. The purpose of your conscience is to guide you toward right actions and steer you away from wrong ones. Yes, despite what many people may argue to the contrary, there is a difference between right and wrong thoughts, speech, and actions.

When the bell of conscience tolls in your life, you owe it to yourself and your fellow human beings, to think, speak, and act in ways that will contribute to the long-term well-being of all whose lives may be affected by your decisions.

“I will simply express my strong belief, that that point of self-education which consists in teaching the mind to resist its desires and inclinations, until they are proved to be right, is the most important of all, not only in things of natural philosophy [science], but in every department of daily life.”

– Michael Faraday

EXISTENTIAL WORTH, POTENTIAL, GROWTH & ATROPHY

Yes, I can change, and you can change. That is the incredible miracle of being human. It is what makes us the most special species in the world. It is what makes all human beings potential royalty – rulers of the animal kingdom and guardians of a planet – in possession of unlimited EXISTENTIAL WORTH, and POTENTIAL for GROWTH.

Existential Worth: The worth of someone or something’s existence as measured by his, her, or its potential for growth and achievement.

Existential Potential: The potential for Existential Growth of a life form or other entity.

Existential Growth (X-Growth): The holistic growth of personal character, capacity, and integrity, as measured by nine progressive stages of Self-Action Leadership development.

1). Education Stage
2). Beginner’s Stage
3). Practitioner’s Stage
4). Refining Stage
5). Polishing Stage
6). Actualization Stage
7). Leadership Stage
8). Transcendence Stage
9). Creation Stage

Note: These nine stages will be explicated in detail in Book the Second: The Self-Action Leadership Theory

Existential Atrophy (X-Atrophy): The digression from a higher stage of X-Growth to a lower stage.

EXISTENTIAL EQUALITY

In approaching the subject of Existential Growth, we must begin with equality. A fundamental truth is that as members of humanity, all human beings have equal existential value. This means that I am no better than you, and you are no better than me—period. It also means that we all have equal potential for Existential Growth.

Existential Equality: The theory that all human beings have equal worth as measured by their potential for growth.

                       

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”
– Thomas Jefferson

Existential Equality does not mean all human beings will have equal opportunities to learn about their potential for Existential Growth.  It also does not mean that all who do learn will choose to grow and reach higher levels of Existential Growth. Many choose existential status quos or mediocrity over the advancement of which they are capable. As a result, some human beings will always be more existentially advanced than others.

Existential Equality also does not mean all human beings are the same. No two human beings who have ever lived are exactly the same. Some voices in society seek to blur these differences, despite the illogicality of doing so.

We are all different. That is what makes us unique. For example, men are different from women. Separate persons have different personalities, talents, desires, preferences, goals, and dispositions than other persons. And let’s face it; some people are bigger, stronger, faster, smarter, wealthier, healthier, and even better looking than others. Moreover, some persons have greater access to resources, education, and other opportunities than other persons. In this sense, none of us is precisely equal to anyone else. Absolute, holistic equality is not possible – or, I would argue, even desirable – in this world. Imagine how dreadfully dull it would be if everyone were exactly the same.

So what if you are bigger, stronger, faster, smarter, wealthier, healthier, or better looking than someone else?

What really matters in the long run is not what you have or acquire, or who you know, but what you are—and what you become. And everyone has an equal opportunity to become something better than they presently are.

SAL MANTRA:

Everyone has an equal opportunity to become something better than they presently are.

Everything in this book is built upon this foundational principle of Existential Equality. I am no better than you; and you are no better than me. That is the way things really are. I may be better than you at some things, and you will certainly better than me at some things; but neither of us is existentially superior, or inferior, to each other. Properly understood, this great truth envelopes the mind, heart, and spirit with a deep and profound reverence for all human beings.

As members of the human family we have the same blood flowing through our veins as King Tut, Alexander the Great, Queen Elizabeth II— or any other monarch who has ever held earthly power. Whether or not we choose to live up to our noble birthright depends on what we choose to think about, say, and do throughout our lives. Existential Growth is not a birthright; it is merely a potentiality that must be earned.

Now before your head swells with an inflated sense of your own greatness, I should note that your royal nature is only a potentiality … that is, until you choose to make it a reality. Unfortunately, a tremendous gap often exists between a person’s Existential Potential and the actual kinetic results one earns in life. In other words, human beings do not always achieve their potential. Many choose to limit their growth and success through the poor exercise of personal liberty. The perpetual question, therefore, is: will you live up to your potential. Will I live up to mine?

We must all be cautious of undeserved self-praise. Yet we must also avoid thinking we are capable of anything less than unfathomable greatness. Beware, therefore, the pride produced by thinking you are something you aren’t; but at the same time, don’t be deceived by the myopic myth that you don’t matter; you do matter; we all matter a great deal—more so than any of us can fully comprehend.

SAL MANTRA 

Beware of the pride produced by thinking you are something you aren’t, but don’t be deceived by the myth that you don’t matter.

References:

Booty, J. (1990). John Donne: Selections From DivinePoems, Sermons, Devotions, and Prayers. New York,NY:Paulist Press.Page 58.

Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

Today, I am honored and grateful to share some special tributes to THREE authors and thinkers whose work proved FOUNDATIONAL to the 13-year development of the Self-Action Leadership Theory & Model.

John Donne

The English poet John Donne (1572-1631) once wrote, "No man is an island, entire of itself, every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main."

So it is with you, and so it has been with me. No one is an island. Despite any talents or abilities I may possess, the development of the SAL Theory & Model would have been impossible without the aid of countless other men and women who have profoundly influenced my personal journey. From Shakespeare & Chaucer to Abraham Lincoln & Martin Luther King, Jr.; from Emerson & Longfellow to C.S. Lewis & M. Scott Peck; from Abigail Adams & Florence Nightingale to Confucius & Jesus Christ; from brothers, sisters, and parents to uncles, aunts, cousins, and ancestors, my journey has been touched on every side by men, women, and Divine Beings, whose examples became a "lamp unto my feet." (Psalm 119:105).

Sir Isaac Newton

One of the first things I share in my book, Self-Action Leadership, are three tributes to individuals whose life's journey and work has been particularly important and foundational to mine. These individuals are: Hyrum W. Smith, Stephen R. Covey, and Charles C. Manz.

“If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”

– Isaac Newton

Tribute #1

Hyrum W. Smith

Co-Founder of FranklinCovey Company & Author of: What Matters Most

Hyrum W. Smith is a Co-Founder of FranklinCovey Company and an originator of the world famous Franklin Day Planning System. Brilliant in business, sales, and public speaking, Smith is one of the World’s premier authorities on time management and personal development.

If it weren’t for Hyrum Smith, I may not be here today – literally. To explain why, let’s turn back the clock more than a half-century.

In 1962, Smith crossed the Atlantic to serve a two-year, full-time, voluntary mission in the British Isles for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. About a year later, my Father, unknown to Smith at the time, traveled to England for the same purpose. During their concurrent service in England, Hyrum Wayne Smith and Rex Buckley Jensen served together as missionary companions on three different occasions in three different locations during three different calendar years. Meant to be? Coincidence? Either way, when my father returned home to attend Brigham Young University in 1965, Hyrum introduced him to his little sister, Pauline. The two were married in 1966. Fourteen years later, I was born – the sixth of seven children.

I was eight years old when I first attended one of “Uncle Wayne’s” time management seminars and obtained my first Franklin Planner. It was a pivotal event in my young life, and planted early seeds that would eventually spring forth into my choice of profession.

Hyrum is a magnanimous man whose personal generosity has reached down to bless my life on many occasions. He also has a good sense of when to say no. For example, he wisely declined my request for financial backing when I first incorporated my company over a decade ago. Knowing his own achievements were earned through self-reliance and successfully passing through the “School of hard knocks,” he knew giving me money would do more harm than good in the long run. How right he was!

It was a bitter pill to swallow at a time in my life when I was being rejected at every turn and everything seemed to be going wrong. This was good, too, because Life prescribes a brimming bottle of “Bitter pills” to everyone, and those who seek to grow must choose to humbly consume, dutifully digest, and honorably transcend each one. It does no good to kick against the pricks.

Hyrum’s discretion, borne of experience-based wisdom, trumped my well intentioned, but ultimately naïve zealotry borne of youthful inexperience. And now I am glad of it. In the words of Garth Brooks: “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”

Instead of money, Hyrum gave me endorsement quotes and good advice. He even invited me down to his Ranch for a weekend so I could pick his brain. He gave me everything I really needed while wisely withholding what he knew would provide only short-term benefits—and might even harm me in the long run.

Hyrum’s decision provided a golden opportunity to further apply the very principles and practices I ardently yearned to share with the world. Rather than retard my long-term progress, his wise declination actually accelerated it by lending greater credibility to the message of Self-Action Leadership, and bolstering my ethos as its messenger. Looking back, I am grateful for his judicious response to my shortsighted request. It was a key “course” I had to take and pass in my own education in Self-Action Leadership and adversity. I am a better man for having taken that course, and am grateful to my professor for loving me enough to hurt me in the short run in order to help me in the long run.

Hyrum’s life has blessed and inspired my own journey in countless ways. From my earliest memories of him, I always had a deep sense that he was a great man; and indeed he is. Thank you, Uncle Hyrum, for everything you have given and taught me—knowingly or unknowingly. Your life’s example has helped to shape my life’s story.

I am grateful for an uncle and father – whose friendship was a seedling of my mortal existence – who chose to teach me correct principles and then let me govern myself. Such liberty and opportunity, empowered by the lessons gleaned from their respective precepts and examples, is something I will always cherish. It is, for me, a proof of the purview of Providence upon this project from inception to completion.

Tribute #2

Stephen R. Covey

Co-Founder of FranklinCovey Company & Author of the World-Famous: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

While Hyrum and I share a blood relation, I may actually have more in common with FranklinCovey’s other Co-Founder—Dr. Stephen R. Covey. This is because my native skill set – like Covey’s – is rooted more in philosophy, pedagogy, administration, and composition, than in sales, marketing, business, or profit. While I begrudgingly accept my duties in the latter, I welcome and embrace my opportunities in the former. In my heart of hearts, I am – and always will be – a pedagogue, philosopher, and poet before I am a businessman or entrepreneur.

Many capable self-help authorities helped to pioneer the modern self-help movement (i.e. Dale Carnegie, Norman Vincent Peale, Napoleon Hill, et al.). What will Covey’s place be in the pantheon of self-help gurus? The answer is subject to history and opinion. In my view, Carnegie is its father, and Covey its more recent godfather.

I first read, listened to, and studied Dr. Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People in 2001 as a college freshman. I read the book to fulfill a requirement in a summer leadership course at Brigham Young University. It profoundly impacted my life.

The lesser-known subtitle of Covey’s classic is: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. As I hungrily consumed the 7 Habits material, a growing realization of the personal power I possessed to change, as well as to consciously design and direct my own life, resonated deeply in my mind, heart, and spirit. I took particular interest in Habits One, Two, and Three, which focus on personal leadership, at a time in my life when I desperately needed to lead myself through a series of deep and difficult personal obstacles involving romantic relationships and mental illness.

Covey’s words opened my mind to my own personal deficiencies and inadequacies while simultaneously illuminating my potential and enlivening my desire to overcome them, and then teach others to do the same. Quite simply, his work changed my life, and led directly to the writing of this book. Before I had even finished the book, I began sensing that one of my life’s primary callings was to write a comprehensive analogue to the 7 Habits that could serve future generations as ably as Covey’s work had served previous ones.

It was an audacious ambition, and an incredibly rewarding goal. Once my mind and heart had been touched by the power and profundity of the principles Covey organized, and his unique capacity to articulate them, I became completely consumed with the meaningfulness and importance of promoting a Pedagogy of Personal Leadership throughout the world. There was no going back. I have been on an almost obsessive mission ever since (OCD has not been all bad for me).

Aided by Covey’s words, the Inspiration of the Ages, and the driving, and sometimes naïve, ambitions of youth, I zealously went to work. Though fraught with disappointment, failure, rejection, financial duress, and disillusionment all along the way, this difficult journey – now in its 13th year – has simultaneously produced countless blessings, insights, moments of euphoria, and extraordinary personal growth.

This 13-year effort is now finished – or perhaps begun, depending how you look at it. Were Stephen alive to review this present manuscript, I hope he would find it to his satisfaction, and choose to endorse it this time around.

After more than a decade of putting Stephen’s teachings to work in my life on a daily basis, I continue to vouch unequivocally for their clarity, concision, cogency, and veracity. As I have worked with thousands of business professionals in hundreds of audiences throughout the English Speaking World, I have quoted him and taught his material more than any other author or teacher. My seminar attendees rarely leave one of my seminars, regardless of the topic, without a clear understanding of my passion for the work of Stephen R. Covey, and a growing understanding of his work.

Dr. Covey passed away in 2012. In the years since I first studied the 7 Habits, I have sometimes wished I could have spent more time with him personally. Despite two chance meetings – neither of which he would likely recall – and a generous phone call on Christmas Eve, 2003, in response to a letter I had written to my hero desiring to meet him, I did not know him personally beyond second-degree familial connections. Nevertheless, the ripples of his work have penetrated—and continue to reverberate powerfully throughout—the depths of my mind, heart, and soul in ways that proved providentially foundational to this work.

Another vital professor in my existential education, Stephen—like Hyrum—also taught me some invaluable, albeit just as painful, life lessons by saying “No.” I share the experience of one such rejection in this book. Like the lessons Hyrum taught me, I would not, in hindsight, change anything even if I had the power to do so. I am even more thankful for what Hyrum and Stephen didn’t give me as I am for what they did give me.

Such experiences taught me that many of life’s greatest blessings arise not from tangible assistance, but from intangible inspiration derived from the simple, but powerful, moral force of one’s example, teachings, and legacy. Instead of giving me a few fish I would have quickly consumed, Hyrum and Stephen both – and mostly without knowing it – taught me how to fish. This book displays the results of my “catches” thus far. Whatever its weaknesses, I am proud of the harvest, and grateful to my teachers. I hope they will be proud of it also.

I am, and always will be, profoundly grateful to Stephen for providing a vital substructure (theoretically and culturally speaking) to the SAL theory and model. I publicly acknowledge the impact of his life’s example on mine as well as the profundity of his life’s work – a work I believe he continues in another realm. It is my explicit intention for Self-Action Leadership to serve the World in coming decades as capably as the 7 Habits did throughout the turn of the last century.

Tribute #3

Charles C. Manz

Father of the Self-Leadership field in the Academe, and Professor at the University of Massachusetts

Dr. Charles C. Manz is the Father of the self-leadership field in the Academe. His pioneering academic publications on the subject date back to 1983, when I was just 4-years old.

It is interesting to me that it took until the mid 1980s for universities to begin addressing this vital subject as a topic of legitimate scholarly inquiry. The credit for this worthy legitimization – as well as for much of its subsequent proliferation – goes to Dr. Manz.

Addressing self-leadership at the doctoral level would have been much more difficult without the pioneering efforts of “Chuck” and his capable colleagues around the country (i.e. Chris Neck, Arizona State University, Hank Sims, Jr., University of Maryland, and Jeff Houghton, West Virginia University).

The work of these scholars has provided a vital academic foundation to the superstructure of new ideas I put forth with the SAL Theory & Model. Charles Manz is a highly accomplished, distinguished, and capable scholar and educator. He is also a man of integrity and a generous human being. I will forever be indebted to him for his foundational academic work in the field of self-leadership. I appreciate so very much all he has accomplished, and am deeply honored he chose to endorse this work.