Finding Freedom in INTRApersonal Competition

In last week's post, I discussed the importance of focusing primarily on intrapersonal competition (competing against yourself) rather than interpersonal competition (competing against others) in goal setting.  This is an important aspect of setting SMARTIES Goals.  Today, I share my story that influenced me to change my own viewpoint of competition.

Growing up, I was a very competitive kid.  My passions were running and basketball.

My goal was usually to beat anyone I was competing against.  This objective held up pretty well as a kid. I was always one of the first ones chosen on playground teams growing up, where it was not unusual for me to be "leading the pack."  In the process, I found enormous satisfaction from "beating others" in interpersonal competitions.

As a sophmore, I finished fourth at the Utah State cross-country meet.  For my Junior year, I set a goal to be the 2A State Champion.  I wrote down my goal and displayed it in a prominent place in my bedroom.

That season, I worked hard.  I continually envisioned myself crossing the finish line before anyone else.  My focus and hard work paid off, and I accomplished my goal of becoming a State Champion.

But then something interesting happened: I got greedy.  I really liked the color and appearance of the bright, gold, first-place medal, and I wanted more and more of it.  The following spring, I set my sights on more gold.  This time, I would win all four of my events so I could get FOUR gold medals.

Long story short, I fell short of my track goal.  Instead of four first place finishes at state, I finished with two seconds, a third, and a fourth: zero gold!

I was very disappointed.  For many years after that, I viewed my senior track season as being largely a failure because I did not win any of my events.  This perspective was unfortunate -- and naive.  Why?  Because I had run personal best times in all three distances during the State Meet.  It was the best I had ever done before.  Regardless of my finish compared to others, I should have been very pleased with my performances. I had not yet learned my lesson in intrapersonal competition yet.   

Several years later, after I had completed my 2-year mission, I was again running competitively, this time in college.  College was different than high school. Instead of winning multiple races and being one of the best runners, I rarely won.

Despite my lack of victories, I began noticing something in my performance that was enormously satisfying to me.  The three best races of my life were all run in college, and I did not win any of them.  What made them my best races? First, I ran a personal best time in each one.  Second, I knew in my mind and heart that I had given a complete effort; I had left it all on the track.  I may not have been winning races anymore, but I was getting better, and somehow, that was just as sweet, if not sweeter, than beating others.  

The heightened level of competition in college taught me the great truth that there will almost always be someone out there who is bigger, faster, stronger, smarter, wealthier, and more talented than me, and that is okay!  In this world of over 7 billion people, no one else is exactly like me.  No one else has the same genetics, circumstances, and experiences I do.

This fact makes me at least one in 7 billion, and the same is true for YOU!

This does not mean that competing against others does not have its place, or that you shouldn't try to be better than your competition.  What it means is that competition with others should always be secondary to competition with yourself.  If you focus first on being your best, then your place among others will take care of itself.  If, on the other hand, you become too focused on beating others, you will waste time and energy that could be invested in bettering your own performance.

In our culture, we are conditioned for competition with others.  Media is littered with advertisements that implicitly pit you against the beauty, intelligence, and supposed sophistication of others.  You can't watch television without coming across all kinds of competition programming.  From sports and gameshows to reality shows like Survivor and the Bachelor, there is no shortage of high profile interpersonal competition available just a remote-click away.  This makes it extra challenging to focus your time and energy on intrapersonal competition.

To make matters worse, we often exacerbate these comparisons by pitting our biggest weaknesses against the greatest strengths of others, which is terribly unfair.  In the end, your whole perspective gets knocked askew of reality, and you are left feeling unmotivated and discouraged.

By focusing primarily on being your own best self, you not only increase the likelihood of turning in your own, best performance, but you also maximize your chances for success when you compete with others.  It is a win/win!

Points to Ponder...

In what ways do you waste time and energy worrying about how you compare with others?

What could you do to reinvest this same time and energy in producing your personal best?

Resolutions that Stick: The SMARTIES Principle

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

As the New Year dawns, it is tradition to set goals to better yourself.  The perennial question, however, is: How do I make New Years’ Resolutions that actually last past January 2nd?

There are two basic reasons New Years Resolutions flop.  The first arises from setting too many goals.  The second occurs from a failure to set SMART Goals.  SMART, in this context, is an acronym.  It stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound.  The SMART model is an excellent method for goal setting, but there is more, and that is why I encourage self-action leaders to include four additional guidelines to their goal setting.  These additional recommendations turn SMART goals into SMARTIES Goals, as follows:

Specific

Measurable

Attainable and Accountable

Relevant

Time-bound

In competition primarily with yourself

Engaging

Sane

With one exception—Accountability—SMARTIES Goals are the same as SMART Goals up through the “T.”  I will, therefore, focus on the four additions: Accountability, In Competition Primarily With Yourself, Engaging, and Sane.

First: Find an Accountability Partner.  Tell someone else about your SMARTIES goal.  If you are the only person who knows about your goal, it is easy to give up when the going gets tough.  An accountability partner provides encouragement and positive peer pressure to stick with goal(s) you set.

When I first started running marathons, my older brother was my accountability partner.  Even though he lived across the country, our e-mails back and forth and my knowledge that he knew about my goal provided encouragement and motivation to stick with my goal during those grueling 20-plus mile training runs.

Second: Set goals focused primarily on self-competition.  While competition with others can be highly motivating for some, it can be a deflating experience for others.  Furthermore, no matter who you are, there will always be someone bigger, taller, faster, smarter, wealthier, luckier, younger/older, more talented, and the list goes on.  Because of this, goals that compete with others often end in perceived failure—even if you have bettered yourself in the process! 

Instead of wasting time and energy in comparisons, why not reinvest it in self-betterment and reaching your own potential?  Doing so will not only afford you with self-improvement, but will naturally make you more competitive with others as well—if that is your goal.  As a competitive runner, some of the best races I ever ran I did not win, but I did run a personal best time.  Since learning this lesson, my place in the final standings of a race has become secondary to my personal time and effort, and my enjoyment of the entire goal-setting process has increased.    

Third, set goals that engage your interest.  Goals that don’t excite are painful to pursue and rarely accomplished.  I often set goals related to distance running because physical wellness and racing are both exciting to me.   

Fourth, set sane goals.  This last guideline is designed for goals you are re-setting after falling short on previous attempts.  A popular definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again while expecting different results.  Setting sane goals means that if at first you don’t succeed, then don’t just try again.  First, reevaluate your methods and see where you need to make changes before trying again.  Then, make the necessary adjustments as part of your next attempt.

In my first attempt to qualify for the Boston Marathon in 2011, I missed my qualifying time by 70 minutes.  The following year, I made some important training adjustments aftertalking to a runner who had already qualified.  As a result, I ran 45 minutes faster in 2012!  I took 2013 off from marathon running.  This year, I am making further adjustments to my training regimen to get even closer to my ultimate goal of running in Boston, hopefully next year.     

I challenge you to set a SMARTIES goal for yourself in 2014.  Next week, I will share my own SMARTIES goal thereby making you, my reader, my Accountability Partner!  

Original source of SMART Goals: Doran, G. T. (1981). There's a S.M.A.R.T. way to write management's goals and objectives. Management Review,                       70(11), 35-36.

Marathons & Mental Illness

I recently heard a talk in Church about a runner's experience training for, and then running, a marathon.

The runner's name is Justin Kroff of Spring, Texas. He began by describing the difficult training regimen to prepare for his big day, including 20 mile runs beginning at 3:30 a.m. He also described the loneliness and isolation of those solitary runs. Indeed, training for a marathon was often a LONELY experience.




However, the day of the race proved quite different from this man's lonely training runs. As he stood at the START line of the 2013 St. George (Utah) Marathon, he described the energy, enthusiasm, and adrenaline that accompanied the 8,000 runners who were toeing the line for their much anticipated, diligently prepared-for event.

The runners lurched forward in an uncharacteristically collective effort to achieve a united, albeit individual endeavor. As the man fought his own way through those 26 miles with the support of literally thousands of his fellow runners, he realized he had not really been ALONE on all those monotonous miles and unaccompanied intervals. Thousands of other people all over the country were doing the SAME thing he was all along!


This realization, which had not become fully real for this runner until race day, made all the difference as he attempted his first 26.2. Instead of being a hellish undertaking, it became easier than some of the 20 mile runs he had taken all by himself.

This past weekend, my wife, son and I attended a conference in San Antonio sponsored by OCD Texas. At the conference, we met many individuals and family members who courageously showed up to race a metaphorical marathon against a monstrous mental disorder—Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

I could write pages about our experiences: the lights that went off in people's minds, the hearts that were touched, the friends that were made, and the tears that were shed. Many individuals who spend most of their time slogging their way up the menacing mudslides of mental illness ALONE were able to unite with fellow sufferers and their loved ones to draw from the strength from one another. It was a beautiful experience.

For those who are frightened to seek help, I repeat a quote from the famous 20th century psychiatrist, M. Scott Peck M.D.:

“You may think that [psychiatric patients] are more cowardly and frightened than most. Not so. Those who come to psychotherapy are the wisest and most courageous among us. Everyone has problems, but what they often do is to try to pretend that those problems don’t exist, or they run away from those problems, or drink them down, or ignore them in some other way. It’s only the wiser and braver among us who are willing to submit themselves to the difficult process of self-examination that happens in a psychotherapist’s office” (From Further Along the Road Less Traveled, Simon & Schuster, 1993, Chap. 3, p. 51-52).

For all those who face Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Depression, or any other mental, emotional, or personal challenge, never forget that while your battles are typically fought within the “silent chambers of your own soul,” (source) you are NOT alone. Others face similar challenges, and understand what you are going through. Even more importantly, professionals and other people who care possess the knowledge, experience, and wisdom to shepherd you through whatever adversity you are currently passing through.


However, these people typically won't just magically show up on your doorstep ready to help. You must take the first step to reach out. If you are a runner, it means showing up to run on race day. If you are struggling with mental illness—or any other personal difficulty—it means beginning to proactively research your condition or challenge, attending a conference, or yes, even asking for help from someone you can trust who can help you find the right person who can help.

Problems do not solve themselves, but in my experience they can usually either be completely solved or vastly improved over time if you are willing to pay the price in time, effort, and courage.

As I have battled my own personal challenges, I have been comforted by friends and family who show up on my race day to support me. More importantly, it never ceases to amaze me how the tender mercies of God's Grace are with me throughout my journey. We are Never Alone.

A friend of mine—Josh Rohatinsky—is a champion runner. Josh won State Championships in high school and a National Championship at the NCAA Division I Level (BYU). Josh once told me that his favorite quote about running is that "NO ONE RUNS ALONE." Whoever said that was right, and I believe Josh was both wise and successful in part because he placed his trust in that great truism.

If you are plagued by OCD, Depression, or any other life dilemma, don’t sit around suffering. If something is bothering you, now is the time to begin the healing process. But remember, the healing process almost always begins with a painful initial first step—reaching out for help.

John Wayne once remarked: "Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway." Courage is not an absence of fear, but action in the face of it. As a former competitive runner myself, it was often challenging toeing the line on race day because of the fears, inadequacies, and butterflies all making my stomach turn in knots prior to the race. It could be a scary situation.


Perhaps ironically, this is one of the things I came to love most about the sport because it provided me with ongoing opportunities to face my fears and exercise courage. Unfortunately, there is only so much that other people can teach you about courage. At the end of the day, the question is: are you willing to exercise it or not?

Hope to someday see you at the finish line.

Online Resources for OCD:

Click Here

Depression:

Click Here

Self-Action Leadership

Info Here